Oh how nice it is to be alive now! Why? Well, let’s look back only one or two generations ago when you were considered a hippy, lazy or unreliable if you decided to follow your bliss and not settle for anything less. Times have changed when we are not longer expected to stick it out and work in a job that is like a dull numbing headache.

We are moving into a space of possibilities, now pushing boundaries even further to release the self imposed gaol/jail sentence. Who would have thought we were our own punisher? It may be the Stockholm Syndrome, when we actually have feelings of sympathy and empathy for what is beating us, threatening or intimidating us. However, magic is happening as it is refreshing to know that despite some anxieties and negative old patterns that may still come up from time to time, we can bask in the warm sunlight of possibility, strength and fulfilment. Aren’t your insides warming up?

Of recent, I have noticed all of this is not only happening within myself, but a growing allegiance of determined, spirit seekers harassing their power and opening up to what they previously thought was only a dream. We are no longer alone hiding in our cell or cubicle riding it out, as the path on the rat wheel is getting monotonous. The power comes when are souls come together for the most important conversation with rawness, honesty and hope that moves us all from strangers to a community interdependent on one another in realizing what we are here for.

It may surprise you how many people are in your shoes. Share, be and love while you connect with others as the lines of separateness and other are being dissolved and washed away. What now stands is a sense of vulnerability, aliveness and feeling that you can be yourself anytime and this opens up and invites others to do the same thing.

How will you do this?

What “Miss Moss” was trying to tell me.

In one of my first coaching sessions, I was asked to think about the past when I let negative thoughts, feelings, actions and inactions take over me. Didn’t take long 🙂 And once I had done this, I was to try and look at this as an entity – a pet, person or a thing and then have the fun with giving this a name. So after some contemplation, I decided to name the side of me I often pretended wasn’t there, “Miss Moss”.

Why you may ask? Since I aptly named this blog “The Garden of Nat”, I began to notice that this side also grew in my garden, but a little differently to how the other plants were. This plant ‘moss’ grew only in darkness and when the light was shone on the moss, it actually stopped growing. By turning the light on, I was able to get Natalie and “Miss Moss” on better terms with each other, rather than being enemies.

And so in a conversation with my brother the other day, I started recalling how my week had been. I had explained what I learnt about communication https://nataliesgarden.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/art-of-war/ and how I joined a leadership group with an organization called Acumenfund. After a little while, I was asked to think about some things I had been getting annoyed about specifically to communication. I said one pet peeve I have is when the person I am speaking with is very argumentative, not listening to what I have to say, is not being open minded and not open to new ideas etc. As quick as that, my brother said underneath that is a value that is important but you cannot see because of the annoyance you are feeling and also because its not really socially acceptable to just come out and say it. What is it??? You have a strong need to be right. Gulp! No defences…yeah (small voice), I do. “Well that’s not a problem, its how you go about doing it that can be”. Really? “Well, if you are trying to be always right in your relationship, then you will continually face the same issues. Your desire to be right cannot be fulfilled just from your relationship, it needs to come from more places in your life. How about going to trivia (I do like that), learning something you are interested in and feel you are more educated in it so you have that feeling of being right”. Double gulp! This definitely rang true and was important for me to be aware of this, otherwise this need will never be fulfilled by another person and I will keep trying to fit that circle puzzle piece in the square hole.

Ok I felt he was a magician and wondering what was going to come out of the hat next. So I kept on. Well, I get pretty frustrated when I see people treated unfairly or as an insubordinate. “Why?” Well, I like to see everyone as connected and don’t think anyone should put themselves above anybody else. “So you want everyone to be validated”… Yeah…well I guess I can see how that applies to me, as I do want the same thing for myself from others. Wow, like magic.

Lastly, I get annoyed by obnoxious people who flaunt they know it all, don’t care what other people think and don’t seem authentic in my eyes. “Well this can be about attention. It seems it may be something that is a value to you, but you haven’t really pursued. I know you go to dance classes, this can be a way for you to get attention for something you enjoy and are good at. Not a bad thing, its actually expressing itself in a great way”. As we wrapped up our conversation in the early hours of the Canadian morning, I was left with quite a few things to ponder. Such things were simple, yet so perspective changing.

I learnt that it is ok that I have the desire to be right, to be validated and get attention. Though to make this even more powerful and beautiful is to join this with my other values I can easily share such as being a communicator, connector of people and champion for others. I believe this is the yin and yang, Scooby and Shaggy and heart and soul of doing what we are meant to be doing here. Using all our qualities without labels of good or bad as each side has something so powerful and beneficial that is dependent on each other.

So I welcome the spot light on Miss Moss and allowing some of her to continue to grow in the darkness, as long as she is landlocked by sun loving plants as a balance in my garden, means a balance in my life.

If you had the chance to name your other side, what would it be?

Art of war

I have felt so honoured and blessed to have the ability to write these posts, where I can share so openly and honestly with people who care, receptive and loving.

What fueled me to start writing this was a love that started as a child when I learnt the beauty and eloquence of unassuming letters on a page that can transform into a beautiful alchemy of storytelling. It’s been a great experience to use the art form of communication to pen many ideas, thoughts and experiences. At the same time, this has led me to question whether I was seeing communication in a way that wasn’t true. Is communication actually a dance rather than an artform?

Sometimes it felt that if I missed one step, then I ruined an entire sequence of beautifully choreographed dance moves. Could it have been because I had not been practicing enough? Or did I need a choreographer to help me? Or did I just not know the dance? All I knew is that I did not want to give up, as I had a taste on many occasions the beautiful sight of the dance of communication coming together so fluidly and beautifully, that mesmerised my entire being.

So I began to look more closely at how I had been communicating this week and determine whether I actually expressing what I really wanted to. I thought back to the many times I had seen this word ‘communication’ and what I knew about it. I did know it was the key to many healthy and happy relationships. I also knew many relationships had issues if they did not communicate. Though in looking at all I knew, I realised I lacked a real practical definition that showed how to do this so both people were able to share themselves in a way that was positive and beneficial on a regular basis.

I soon jumped back to the overused format of what I believed communication to be and I told the other person that I did not like what they were telling me and I stopped listening to what they had to say. I say overused because I see this happen frequently either directly to a person or more commonly when a person is not around, free negative communication flows to whoever is listening (I’m no angel). I now see that I have a bigger role in the way I had been feeling than any other person could.

As despite despising war, I felt I had joined an army that specialized in defending points of view. I had taken the viewpoint that my battle plan was 1) I had to be right 2) Make the other person see this 3) Repeat steps when next battle erupted. And although these battles were not frequent, I definitely saw them occurring more than what was beneficial. So in my moment of rightness (or wrongness) I chose to put down my shield and look at the situation with more neutral eyes. Come to think of it when I stopped playing war hero, I could see the supposed battle was not that and discussion could rightfully take its place. I know I have a right to assert my views but also know when to bury them when they were no longer served me. I know I still have the connection with who I am communicating with, despite not always agreeing with them – which is why we are drawn to people who are in some way different from us. I know I still see the person I love in the haze of the smoke cloud.

And so I look at this week as something that has brought me closer to myself and my supposed opposition. I realised that life keeps giving you exactly what you need on this journey and when you get tired of doing the same routine, there is a beautiful dance just around the corner.

Any thoughts come up for you about communication?

How do I know I am a woman?

The past few days have been emotionally turbulent. It’s as though a torrent barraged unexpectedly into my life. In hindsight I find it funny how I did not notice such drastic changes in the way I was feeling, until it became an onslaught and I realised I was barely staying above water.

From this, I questioned the cause of my emotional sadness. Why do such things affect me in this way today, when a week prior I would not have felt the same way? Why do these emotions start to make me feel so disgruntled with everything in my life? How do these dark emotions grip me so tightly?

I then remembered that my menstrual cycle was due soon and how such strong emotions can erupt as quick as a volcano with no prior warning system. In saying this, I also did not want to dismiss how I was feeling with such labels as “I’m being emotional”, “I’m PMS-ing”, “It’s the time of the month” etc. I didn’t want to see what I was experiencing as something that was outside of who I am or ignore what I needed to be told.

In the book ‘The Return of the Feminine: Honoring the Cycles of Nature’, Dr Rebecca Orleane states this is actually a time that asks us to surrender to rest and to nourish our mind, body and soul. She also states it is an important time to connect with other women and provide support and care during this sacred cycle. Many cultures previously (some still do) revered this time – both men and women – for women to take time out of their duties and responsibilities to nourish themselves. Women were often important decision makers and leaders in their communities who were instrumental in the maintaining the way of life for everybody and needed this time away to receive clarity in thought and reconnecting with their intuition to make such important decisions and guide their actions.

Sometimes we may feel we must have a constant state of emotions that do not fluctuate and be the same person each day. And feel something is amiss if we do not have the same thoughts, actions and way of being as the day before. But more beautifully, we are unique, complex and ever-changing creatures that go beyond rigidity and one sided-ness.

I now accept how I am feeling and reassess what has been out of balance. Come to think of it, I could have spent more time relaxing this week, could have reconnected more with my daily meditation sessions, and stress less about work. I actually now understand why my body and emotions are trying to tell me. It is a reminder to come back to my center and my guiding compass to a life of peace and purpose.

How do you experience these changes in your life as a woman? As a man what are your experiences of a woman going through this time? Do either of you feel this is a positive or negative time? Is there anything connected to the way you are feeling with things happening in your life at the moment?