As I laid in bed last night, a major epiphany came to me while reading like a light up runway yearning for its plane to land. I am currently exploring the concept of love and I am finding self love to be continually making a grand appearance in all different areas and loves being the centre of attention when looking for what love is. So how do I make sense of this?
The passage assisting this revelation states: ‘When you try to change people, they do not feel loved by you. If anything, they feel judged and rejected. Love does not seek to change people, because love does not find fault in a person’s true essence. Love can help a person to grow and to bring out the best in him or her; but you will not see any of this if you do not love the person unconditionally in the first place. The paradox of love is that when you stop wanting each other to change, you are changed, and this change enables you to love each other more.’ (Book: Loveability by Robert Holden)
By dropping expectations, perceptions and conditions, love can be pure. Rather than trying to be structurally sound and contained, love can freely move like a wave or wind and how sweet to be delighted in its awesome power and brilliance to captivate and move us beyond imagined.
Sometimes I have question my ability to love unconditionally all the time. Looking back the message often received about love entailed ‘You are loveable if or when…..(do well in school, not fight with your brother (ahem Charlie), listen to what we say). The commonality of this love, is one based on conditions, like skipping over the tiny fine print of a contract, this is often the most important detail in many relationships.
‘Conditional love isn’t freely given, it has to be earned, deserved or won’. The drive is to work this out is so strong as love can outpower any other secondary irrelevant thing. Although this can get even more complicated as the conditions often change from person to person and the diligent student has no set curriculum to learn for when the test comes. Some conditions are shown to be worthwhile e.g. not harming others, personal hygiene, not lighting things on fire etc. Although despite these conditions, a sense of unconditional love prevails as the other is seen to be infinitely more than those actions they carry out.
With this in mind, I choose to be aware of the conditions and let them dissipate bit by bit when with others and as well as choosing this for myself. When will I start loving myself fully? …. next week, year, retirement? When I choose to love myself without conditions and with open arms? No moment like the present and then the ripple affect will flow like an overflown stream to all the the lakes in my life.